Despite the older generation’s posturing about tattoos being a new invention, Daniel Fouqeut, a doctor, wrote an article in 1898 about medical tattooing in Ancient Egypt. He spoke about the tattoos found on female mummies in the Deir el-Bahari site – so we’re kicking it old-school when it comes to body art.

In some cases, tattoos are tribal – a mark of community. In others, they are the result of a drunken mistake on holidays and they depict a star or they spell out ‘no ragrets’.

As a fellow gay, you may be on the look out for a “gay” tattoo. In today’s blog post, we’ve provided poorly illustrated joke versions of gay tattoo ideas, for your perusal.

You’re welcome. Or not, we guess.

Gay tattoo idea #1: For the Ellen fan who just can’t get enough of her

Look, our appreciation of Ellen is largely ironic. She’s cool and made being gay palatable to millions of middle aged women, so she’s as good a candidate as any for an art piece.

We suggest her glorious face and her motto, ‘laugh, dance, love’.

Gay tattoo idea #2: For  the flannel-lover (i.e. all of us)

Is there a gay lady among us who doesn’t own at least one piece of flannel? We think not. If you’re not bold enough for this illustrated disaster, why not stick to a simple cursive font just below the collarbone? It’s almost dainty.

Gay tattoo #3: For those who want to gently display their unhappiness in the patriarchy

It’s true: you can’t spell ‘disappointment’ without ‘men’. It’s definitely a sign. #gentlemisogyny

Gay tattoo idea #4: For those who still haven’t recovered from Clarke and Lexa

Our beautiful gaybies. May we meet again.

Btw, quite a few people have genuinely beautiful Lexa-inspired tattoos – so that’s absolutely a legit avenue if you choose to commemorate their relationship.

Illustration credit is here: It’s a sick illustration that we manhandled into this monstrosity via the magic of Photoshop, in the apparent name of humour.

Gay tattoo idea #5: For the irreverent snapback fan

This one might actually be the worst.

Gay tattoo idea #6: For the musical diehards

tegan and sara tattoo

Although this one comes close. Believe it or not, the only Tegan and Sara song we’ve ever actually heard is ‘Everything is Awesome’ from The Lego Movie, so there’s a 50 percent chance we’re bad queers.

Gay tattoo idea #7: For the queer who binge-watched all of The L Word in a month

Nothing says ‘burgeoning queer lady’ quite like secretly binge-watching all of The L Word in a short amount of time. Regardless of which of the ladies you most wanted to be/fuck, you likely found someone to identify with.

Despite its eventual ridiculousness, The L Word means an awful lot to many gay women. It’s silly; it’s over the top – but it gave us an avenue to see queer women at the centre of a show.

Which btw: a remake/sequel is in the works, with Jennifer Beals, Kate Moennig, and Leisha Hailey in producer roles. Let’s hope the new series channels seasons one through four and ignores the monstrosity of Jenny’s death. Also, bring back Dana.

She can be a fairy gaymother. ✨?✨

Gay tattoo idea #8: When you want to strike fear into the hearts of the straights

the gay agenda

Legit. Nothing strikes fear into a certain subset of people quite so readily as the supposed “gay agenda”.

Gay tattoo idea #9: Asking the constant conundrum

does she like me gay tattoo

There isn’t a queer woman alive, young or old, who hasn’t faced the dawning, terrifying question of: “But does she like me, though?”

Is she flirting? Is she just being nice? Does she normally cuddle her other friends like this?

Who knows? We certainly don’t.

All we can say is this: godspeed, friend.

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